I've sat and tried to write this so many times. But then I would not be able to start. Or I didn't want to seem like I am looking for sympathy. But I need to share this, and people need to hear it. So many conversations with so many business owners lately, and we are all feeling some form of this! And “this” sucks. It really does.
Being locked down. Not being able to help people. Having to send patients to their GP or hospital. That's the really crazy part of this.
“Oh, you aren't essential?” That's what I have heard so many times. And it hurts each time.
Yep… trust me, I hear you. I would have thought that we would be essential as well. Primary Healthcare. That's what they call us normally. Except now. When we can help take pressure off the medical system, GP’s and hospitals. The places they are telling us all to avoid going to if we don't have to. It makes no sense to me as to why we can't open, even if just for emergencies, in pain, patients. Patients who then have to go elsewhere. Patients who then rely on drugs. Patients who are then going to take longer to recover. It is honestly beyond frustrating. To have them practically begging for me to be open. Frustrating. Heartbreaking. Sad.
Even my son yesterday said to me “ But mum, why can’t you work when you are there to help people with their pain and backs but that man there can water a tree” . We were driving at the time, and there was someone working, doing some watering. I didn't have an answer for him. Honestly, all I had was tears.
My kids have seen me cry way too much over the last 12 months. I have cried, bawled my eyes out, or simply shed one tear, in front of them, too many times. You see I am a crier. It is the way I let things out. And my kids shouldn't have had to see me cry that much. But they have. I have also been snappy. I have yelled. I have screamed. More than I should have. Because I have already been in a stressed state and then something little sets me off. Or, alternatively, they just haven't cleaned their rooms or put away their shoes after I have asked them about 10 times. I know all the other mums hear me on that.
But the reality is that, being a small business owner, has created a level of stress. And that stress has flowed into all aspects of my life, as I know it has for so many of us. Stress with the kids. With my husband. I have lost count of the times that he has wiped away my years, or taken over with the kids so I can run away and cry and try and sort things out. It takes a toll.
And just when you think you get a weekend away to attend an awards night and reconnect, that gets taken away as well.
And then you just start to get back on top of things at work. Your budget starts to look in the positive again. You have all your staff back. You hire new staff. And lock down hits again.
Suddenly you are back having hard conversations with staff. Telling them to stay home. Trying to work out if as a Chiropractor I can open. Working out shifts so that myself and the other Chiro don't cross paths, so if something happens we have not been exposed to each other. Working a whole plan out. Being so grateful for your amazing team. Then having to change it all when you hear you can't work. That you can't see clients. Oh, hang on, I can do telehealth. So if anyone works out how to do a Chiropractic Adjustment via Telehealth, please let me know! So then the tears flowed again. Anger. Sadness. All the emotions. Having to call clients and reschedule. Have them upset as they are in pain. Be heartbroken that you can't help. Call staff and make sure they are ok, but also let them know they aren't needed this week. Knowing that impacts them and their budget. Sit down, and try and work out how you are going to pay all the bills in the next two weeks, without income this week. Once again prioritise paying your staff wages and not yourself. It's not the first time that I haven't been able to pay myself due to being closed for lockdown. And I know that I am not the only small business owner in this situation. And it sucks.
I have worked harder in the last 12 months than ever. I have worked more hours in the clinic. I have seen more patients. I have done more interviews and hired more staff. I have worked too many nights at my laptop at night instead of spending time with my husband or kids. I literally go from school drop off to clients, and straight from finishing with clients back to school pick up. I am that mum on her phone sending an email and finishing notes at pick up. I have written more blogs and articles and been on more podcasts. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely feel lucky to have all these things in my life. But it also sucks when you know you are working your butt off, putting all the money back into the business like you are told to, investing in the business and then at the blink of an eye, you are back to square one financially, not knowing when you will pay yourself again, as your staff and bills and contractors are way more important. You also have to cancel contracts that you were about to get into, to market your business and program, which sucks as well. Because you then know it has an impact on that small business and their income. The flow on is real. It just sucks.
And just to go back to kids and school. We were “lucky” last year that we didn't have to homeschool as we both worked and our kids went to school. But then that guilt was huge. It was the time here that you basically only sent your kids to school if you had no other option. One day there were 6, maybe 8 kids in the whole school. 3 of them were ours. The teachers were amazing. And I know my kids were taken care of with love. But it didn't stop the guilt. The tears in the car. The constant to and fro in my mind as to whether I was doing the right thing. It wasn't fun. I know that it wasn't an easy time for the teachers either, but hearing all the things that we shouldn't send our kids, that the school should be closed, that was so hard to take. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I honestly could go on and on. But I won't. Because I know I am lucky. I have an amazing business with clients who I love. Clients that I am lucky that they let me take care of them. Clients who I shed tears with when they have cancer (and then put on a happy face at school pick up) , give hugs of support to, and also celebrate their wins both in health and life. I honestly love my job. If this whole thing has shown me anything, it has shown me that. That I am lucky to have a job that I love, one that lets me be there for my kids. It is rare that I walk out of work at the end of the day, feeling worse than when I walked in. So thank you to my amazing staff and also any clients reading this. You are all amazing.
This whole time, since early last year, I have said that the mental health implications of this whole thing will be worse than anything else. At least here in WA. And, whilst that is my opinion only, I stand by it. The stress on small business owners is huge. The stress on every day people is huge. And I am not sure there is enough support for it. I have recently reached out and am getting support. I also stand by all the things I tell my patients, and I have been doing them. Which is why I think I have still been able to function as well as I have.
Drinking water. Moving my body (my runs have been a saving grace for mind and body). Eating well. Taking time to breathe. Switching off (which I admit I am not as good at this one!). Getting into nature. Sleeping well. Seeing my health care providers.
I know that if I didn't do all these simple things, then I would be in a completely different place.
And it wouldn't be a good one.
So as hard and as terrible at times that the last 12 months have been, it has really proven what it is that I am about. I am about the simple things. And remembering that the simple things add up and become significant. That we can’t control alot of things. But we can control what we do for our health. Simple things. That's what matters. In terms of our health. And just in life in general.
I don’t know what the point of this blog post even is. Maybe I just needed to get it all out. But if only one person reads this, and feels a little less alone, or gets the reminder to do one simple thing for their health. Then that is enough of a reason for me to be vulnerable and press post on it.
